A genuine question deserves a genuine answer I suppose.

This is going to be a long rant, so skip this for those who dont give a fuck.

Anon, my name is Mikki and I was diagnosed with depression at the age of 4. It all stems from my shitty childhood and my development into a teen and soon the end of it.

I wouldn’t say its hard, people have it much worse than me I’m just a stupid brat.

But some things are not.. perfect I suppose.

I have cancer, depression, anxiety, carpal tunnel and i have an eating disorder, a skin condition and poor eye sight.

Most of that was a choice. Cancer I can’t predict. Shit happens.

I grew up around a family who don’t understand the concept of love, a family where no one understands each other to the point of abuse to be understood.

When I was 3, I used to draw a lot. Everywhere. Everything. I even told my mother I would marry Leonardo Da Vinci and live happily. But once I turned 4 my parents decided i needed to serious the fuck up and be realistic. My parents banned me from drawing, and to retaliate I stopped eating and talking. They pretty much took what creative freedom I had so I felt I needed to punish myself for doing something so wrong in their eyes.

At the age of 5 I was in a car accident. My bottom lip was torn off my face as a result of my mother not paying attention to what she was doing and had driven straight into a tree. The first person who was taken to the hospital was my sister, who had a bruise. I remember clearly being squashed between the sweet and the floor, the taste of blood pouring into my mouth and I began to choke until I was pulled out. I dont remember anything after that. At this point I was still not eating and talking. I remember not crying. I remember just before i was given the anasethia in the operating room. I remember my mum sleeping on the floor every night with me. I don’t know why I’m saying all this.

I attended a private Primary school, I remember only years 5 and 6. Every teacher I had used to mock me, and I was known as being the creative person of my school. I had to hide everything from my parents because they still hadn’t allowed this creative freedom i craved and i was still refusing to eat and talk. I was 12, and admitted into the hospital several times and nothing could be done because I simply refused everything. I didn’t want to burden anyone.

I graduated, my grades slowly falling from Dux of the year to me now, 146th out of 160 girls in classes I would have excelled at. Entering high school I realised how different I am to everyone. I had my older sister protect me for most of my time here but the year she finally left I decided to talk and eat again.

In year 11, I attempted to commit suicide. I failed horribly and was in the hospital for a while. My parents we’re so scared I decided if I ever try again I have to be successful, begans I don’t want them asking them selves why, but more what if.

I also met three very important people to me in the past 5 years. A girl I love, a man I will never meet and the third I wish not to share. The girl hates me now, she moved on from me but I cannot move on from her. Our life seemed like the kind of life where situations like Gyo and Spirals would be.. okay. But when rumours began to spread she told me i was disgusting for fooling with her.

The dude is my favourite anon in the world. An anon i would do anything for, for being a great bro. He resides elsewhere and I hope one day I can meet him and do cool shit like an aniki and imouto would do.

Right now, I’m sitting in a study room in the Library. Listening to some OST and watching three girls socialise so well, they’re laughing hard. I’m not going to initiate a conversation with them because I don’t want to be a burden.

This blog unfortunately became something personal to me. I think “all these people are following me. amused by shit i do. surely im an okay person?”

Then i come to the realisation that the Mikki on this blog is completely different to the Mikki in the real word.

So to answer your two questions, as a human being I am weak and pathetic, craving attention and love as we all are.

My life is not hard, I made it hard because it’s how I see it best.

TL’;DR shit experiences = shit life.